Life Changes. Friends Don't

Prospective in Check

2011-12-14T01:02:00.001-06:00

I've been having the hardest time trying to figure out how to even start this. It's been a rough couple of days. These next few months will be a lot of traveling. I want to keep busy to keep my mind off of things. I hate that bad events bring people together, but I'd rather be there for people and hold it down. I'm not sure if the real world has made me jaded to a lot of things or if I have a better shield to protect me, but I think I've lost a part of my soul. I've stepped down from protecting and saving the world all the time to just figuring things out on my own. Maybe the world doesn't need me anymore right now. For now, let's knock out all these student loans, enjoy spending the time with family and friends, and read up on pharmacy stuff so I don't look stupid in front of these patients.

Good Meets Evil

2011-10-22T22:06:00.002-05:00

Real world is just ridiculous. 6 weeks into work, I've relearned and learned more stuff for WAG than I did working throughout school. It really is different when your status goes from intern to RPh. How? Initially, you learn the basics and work on getting the foundation down. Then, you think about all the stuff you learn in Rx school and try to apply it qd. Then, you have to think over and over again, is this script I typed in right? Are there drug interactions? Does the directions make sense? Is this new for the patient? Is the patient preg? etc etc. The responsibilities are really on your shoulders and we are the last line of defense before giving the patient their medications. I double check myself a lot. Since work started, I have gotten beaten down by so many patients, gave someone sterile water instead of a flu shot, had a patient told me that I looked too young to be getting advice from and walked away from me, had a guy nearly faint on me while giving a flu shot, and made many girls cry when giving their flu shots. At least, I didn't get robbed again like I did last year.

Dwelling on the bad does not get you anywhere and it just hinders you from doing other stuff too. Keep cautious and be aware. When things put you down, always get back up and try again and never give up. Know when the battle is over. Through all the crap, don't forget to look at the good in life too. We got the family that's always going to be there for you. The friends who are always in your life whether it's to sit down and chat with you and listen to your war stories or to grab a drink and get reassurance that life is still decent out there. Enjoy the time off and get some time to yourself to meditate and/or work out. Get those endorphin levels up.

Lately, I've been feeling really off. Not sure if it's the stress or other things, but I've been losing sleep like crazy. I'm finally back into the habit of waking up early again. The schedule has kind of been less erratic. Still waiting on eligibility on health insurance. Figuring out my finances and how much of the loans I need to pay off. The 6 weeks off really did hurt me in the long run, but that's done and done with it. Gotta deal with the consequences now. Going off the grid next weekend to get some time to myself.

Rate Limiting Step

2011-08-17T17:18:00.000-05:00

As each day progresses, I'm losing faith in myself. I can't keep face anymore to people. I punish myself for the time that I lost. I'm so ashamed to see people. Everyone's all moving along in their paths to where they're going and I'm stuck. It sucks sitting here powerless unable to do anything. There's so many people around me that looks up to me, I can't let them down. I won't let them down. I'm sorry to everyone.

Faster, Stronger, Smarter...

2011-05-16T01:14:00.000-05:00

The past three months have been the most intense months ever in my pharmacy life. I couldn't believe how much crap I have gone through. Honestly, it really makes me believe that there are terrible people in this world. Do I believe that I've become a better person? Did I learn a lot? Nope. At that time, I learned a good amount, but learning in fear is possibly the worst thing ever. The stress that I endured on a daily basis for 6 weeks has really damaged my self confidence or what little I had to begin with. It would have been a great experience. It would have been something that I would love to internalize. I promise one day that I would make sure that the students following behind me will not suffer. Whether it be my fair warning or to become like a coordinator, I wouldn't want anyone to go through the pain and stress that I went through ever.

How stressful you must ask? When reopening the subject again 6 weeks later, I couldn't finish talking about how bad this rotation was. I broke down really badly. It was like PTSD. I somehow made all the girls cry in the room at the regional meeting. I could tell that everyone really was watching out for me. If it wasn't for my classmates, I wouldn't be in walking across the stage in a week with them. I truly believe that all the pain and suffering that we all went through together the past four years has really made us a family. Not the blood relating type of family, but the cry together, through the worst times, through the best times kind of family. It's good to know that there are people that will watch your back.

Even with all the terribleness in this world, there are good people out there. I've had good mentors that has rebuilt me to be a better person. I've had the greatest friends to take care of me when I needed someone to talk to. I've had good support from my family when I was at my worst. The one thing I appreciate are good friends, family, and relationships that evolve from it.

I got this ice box where my heart used to be

2011-02-02T13:10:00.000-06:00

so there's this idea where when you push yourself to your limits and all of a sudden, do you think it's worth all of this trouble when you know in the back of your mind, you already set things in motion without knowing it? does that innate 6th sense of yours come out when the damage has already been done? the idea of the repeated rejections can break a man's soul or what's left of it. in many ways, i'm glad i put myself out there knowing the fact that i was really meant to do this. I really figured out my path in life and i know where it should lead me. i guess i will take down the evil with what small recruits i have by my side.

the final battle approaches. for the next 3 months, i will be in hell. not the burning souls kind, but the bend me over and take it in the butt kind. i'm really scared because the expectations will be so much higher, the path will be darker, and it will be the longest walks of my life.

if all goes my way and i do push myself to my full potential, it will be a great win in my book. I really do have to pull the ultimate clutch ever in the history of undergrad and pharmacy school. adieu to you all.

Big Pimping...Not Spending Gs

2010-09-29T22:02:00.000-05:00

Being spoiled for 3 months really put you behind from the rest of your classmates. It was fun while it lasted. Met a few new faces, reestablished some old bonds due to the hectic schedule i had, and enjoying rebuilding myself physically. Insanity workout: completed. Wt loss: 20 lb. WIN. Don't believe me? It's improvements here and there, not like the 6 pack fully just yet. My core still sucks, but my tummy is flat, my baby fat on my face is less, etc etc.

It sucks now that I will get a chance to barely work out now. I'm way too scared to not study at this point in my life. I've never ever been in a hospital setting before. Let alone..getting pimped on a daily basis now is something completely different to me. Tyler is right...it's a completely different kind of stress. I love the community setting because it's just non-stop and I move around like crazy.I know the system. I talk to people left and right. I stay in one area and there are windows!

The hospital setting...wake up early...prepare for rounds...go to rounds...check out orders...adjust warfarin/lovenox/vanco...study and get pimped...find interventions...get frustrated with yourself on a daily basis for still not knowing what exactly to do. I was THIS close to breaking down at the end of the day. These 11 hours days are killing my soul slowly. Whatever confidence I had is completely gone now. I hope it does get better, otherwise I worry that residency is not my path to get better now.

Off to studying my people. Mikey over and out.

Journal Week #3 and #4

2010-09-12T15:12:00.001-05:00

August 30
IV lecture and pre-lab started this week. Got my opportunity to relearn all the material again before I start helping out Rene in lab and also before institution rotation starts at the end of October. The other purpose of going to this class was to observe my "peer" in how Rene was teaching the class to the students. Professors get evaluated to make sure that they are doing good and it is kept in their portfolio. What I didn't know was that my evaluation would be actually be accounted for in the portfolio. Maybe it's to see how the student/faculty observed in one to get a sense of the students as well as the faculty. Another reason for checking out her class was to also get a better idea to write for my presentation for the P3 class. Ascetics, professionalism, the pace of the lecture, etc.

August 31-Sept 2
I've been running around left and right worried sick about what to write on the presentation. The best thing for me was to just right things down and then get it modified later. I got a chance to sit down to make an appointment as well with a new faculty member to get an idea what their expectations and goals and background were. With the two professors I picked for my projects, I had a sense of seeing myself in their shoes in the future. Work a bit to gain some valuable knowledge and then share it with the world somehow. The anti-microbial class is amazing and I wish I took it when I was a P3. I think the real reason I didn't take it was because I didn't have the money to. Right now, I'm just taking advantage of what I can and to make sure that I can use this knowledge during my upcoming rotation site. Took advantage of the meetings of most of the organizations aka getting food. WIN

September 3
Morning weekly meeting with Dr Davis. Van, Dr Davis, and I went over both of the presentations nitpicking on every little thing that we needed to know. The idea is that the students can ask any kinds of questions and as a professor, we must be able to be prepared for anything that goes. It was great even though it was a bit harsh, but long term it was a good thing that we went over this kind of stuff to prepare ourselves in the future. At the end of the day, pharmacotherapy rounds started and it was very interesting to hear the residents talk about statistical trials about topics that they were working on. Off to Houston for the Labor Day weekend and to pick up my new glasses.

September 6
Worked a bit more on the presentation. Cleaned it up a bit. Reorganizing the slides a bit and going over the research again. E-mailed Dean Ginsburg to get some help on my final project for the rotation. I feel like I won't get good data on this project and not sure what I really want to do just yet.

September 7
Interviewed one of the professors to get her prospective about her position and what her goals are and what she is doing at the college of pharmacy. The rain sucked so badly to the point where I didn't get a chance to start the interview until 2 hours later. I kept busy for the time being luckily. I talked to Rene again to get some pointers and clarifications on my probiotics topic to make sure I get this thing locked down. Luckily, I also had Dr. Barnes to get a clinician point of view on the Enterococcus species on how it can be used as a probiotic. Fecal transplant...gross. Now that's what I call love.

September 8
Met up with Dean Ginsburg after she taught her communication class. Talked about the background history of the TASK force and how we got to this point where we are at right now. Final project deals with the student curriculum and what the effects are to the student organization. Lots of potential, but it's a ridiculously overwhelming project at the same time. I kind of have an idea what to do, but I need to think about it some more. Van and I went over our projects again to make sure if there's any issues with any of it. Spent all night going over and over the presentation and taking notes on my own ppt just in case.

September 9
Doomsday is here. Went to campus early to calm my mind and go over it one more time. For a second before I went to the room, I was sitting outside and I thought I was going crazy. Mind you, I thought I was so nervous to the point where I was dreaming or I thought I saw someone who I thought was in Europe. As the person got closer and as I clean my glasses, the person was real. I had mixed feelings of excitement and nervousness at the same time. I didn't think I would see this person for another 4-5 months, but at the same time I was just panicking like no other. I told her I'll go talk to her afterwards and I need to catch my breath before I give my lecture. Dr Davis said I looked very A&M because of my maroon baller shirt and tie as he walked into the room. I walk in and I just slowly breathe as I got closer and closer to the front of the room. Everyone is in the front 4 rows of the room which made the room look a bit bigger to me. I sucked it up and just started talking. I wasn't used to talking to obnoxiously loud unless needed, but I know I was a bit quieter when I was giving the presentation because many of the people were asking me to move my mic up and etc. This class I must say writes a lot. I slowed down dramatically just to make sure that they were catching my words, but I realized that they were catching how crappy my articulation and pronunciation of some of the words were. At the end of it, I knew I should have done better. Everyone that I talked to said they enjoyed it, so maybe I am just beating myself up more than I need to. Van went up to do his presentation and I went up afterward to talk about rotations and academic rotation. After the class ended, Van and I talked about how we felt at the presentation and stared writing down our critiques to each other. I really don't want to watch myself give the presentation. It's one of those things where you can't believe you sound like that or in your mind, you think you sound different.

September 10
Dr Davis talked a little bit about the presentation and expects good results from the class. The majority of the meeting was about the program assessment and the types of questions written and the results and what to do. Specifically, what would one do as a professor when it comes down to statistical results of your exam questions and what to do for reconsideration. Good lordy, it's a lot of work on the professors part than I anticipated. Ridiculous. Had my meeting with Dean Ridings-Myhra. Felt totally worthless because I didn't have any real input because I didn't have any rotation sites on the topics they were discussing. I nearly passed out at the end, but I didn't see any real issues with what they were trying to accomplish. Pretty legit stuff. Pharmacotherapy round again on Transplant Drug. Ran into some of the classmates again. Pretty nice to see them again. Longest days of meetings ever.

Played football with the boys just to continue my work out routine. Stared insanity round 2 a couple of weeks ago. Pushing myself hard this time in the shorten time span. It's been great. I want to maintain my physical/mental abilities during this rotation. Keep me sane in some way. So much going on for the next two weeks and then true hell starts afterwards.

Journal Via Rotations WEEK#2

2010-08-28T15:20:00.000-05:00

August 23
NSO from morning. Finally good to see students again. I felt a bit out of place without having people around me. I think it helps me think better about my final project for this rotation site. See the effect on the curriculum change and the student organizations on the P1-P3 Classes. This way this can help with seeing the old and the new curriculum and to see the fresh minds of the new class as well. More ideas to come hopefully this week. The few people I've meet seems pretty good so far. Hopefully our warnings and our knowledge will be properly passed down and in use to the new incoming class.

August 24
Met up with one of my research graduate student student who just got her PhD. OK my background from undergrad research consisted of saponins and algae, a little bit out there knowledge but it's what I've done with the graduate students for about two years before hitting up to pharmacy school. I haven't submitted my idea yet to Dr Davis. I was debating still about the what if scenarios if he wouldn't approve of my topic for probiotics. The other ideas that I read off of the CDC infectious disease website was the fungal in the eye due to contact solutions or saponin possibility to help with breast cancer. Yes, both other topics are very out there, but I don't think people would relate to it very well. Probiotics is just something very common that is asked up in RR when I was doing my first rotation. E-mailed Dr Davis to get the topic reserved for me.

August 25
Got the e-mail back from Dr. Davis for his approval finally. Started researching here and there. Still getting bad sleep every night this week so far. I'm nervous about how to present because honestly, I've never presented like an actual lecture or me teaching a class before ever. Went on campus to see if I would get more work done, but I got really distracted really easily. APhA-ASP was doing their talk over project collaborate and then the vendors showed up that afternoon too. Luckily I have a good roommate who was nice enough to get my white coat so I can make a good impression on them. I talked to them about advice and what to do for interview process and such too. Hoping that first rotation helped me in the long run. Also talked to one of the new professors to get her insight on what to say, do and the nots. Great advice. A semi-productive day.

August 26
Went to the anti-microbial class to see Dr Davis in action teaching. Funny thing was that he just forgot my name for a split second and called me Stephen Nguyen, but I was not going to interrupt him and make him look bad. Luckily, he remembered and then continued to introduce me and my partner to let the class know that we will be giving a lecture to them. Pressure's on now...crap. Took some time to go help set up for APhA-ASP meeting and got free food. Funny thing is that everyone still thinks I'm the food person for APhA-ASP and other people were confused when they saw me because they thought I was on rotations. WIN on my part. Read over the concept map discussion and downloaded CMAP application for the PC and started working on my concept map for the Top 200 Drugs. I think it's pretty legit and kind of easy to understand. Also thought about who to interview and to evaluate for the rotation.

August 27
Meeting with Dr Davis for a bit about our concept map and the faculty picks for interview and evaluation. It was cut short due to the Provost needing to have Dr Davis to see him. Van and I decided to meet up earlier to go over how our topics would go before meeting up with Dr Davis next Friday. Hopefully things will get better soon. Relax a bit and worked out really calmed my mine. Also, went to BR to buy some stuff and to check out the suit I will be wearing to one of my friend's wedding in April. I worry what if I gain more weight or lose any more weight and then the pants don't fit anymore..that would be like a super fail. Got the 40% off single item coupon and will use it to buy the suit on Wednesday. Another suit to add to the collection. Move over black and brown suit, charcoal is making it's way in soon!

Journal via Rotation

2010-08-23T23:28:00.001-05:00

For this rotation, my preceptor wants me to make sure that I keep a journal log to make sure that I get all the details as much as possible for future purposes. I'm gonna try to update on a weekly basis in order to make sure I don't lose any memory. First, I'm gonna go back in time to make up the time lost.

August 16
First day of rotation started at 2 pm. Dr Davis, Van, and I went over the binder and the syllabus of what he expects out of us on this rotation. We talk about the readings that are due for this week on Friday. It seems as if the projects are sort of free form to some degree and to have a high impact on the pharmacy school somehow. Van and I learned that we have to teach a class in anti-microbials on Sept 9 to the P3s. I've never really taught for such a long period of time, let alone my abx knowledge is almost gone. Not stepping foot in a hospital setting has really slowed me down a lot while most of my fellow classmates already completed one or is one right now.

August 17
Today I went over the surveys on the preceptors, the faculty, the students, and the Rx schools. The only thing I really noticed was the negativity and not really worried about the positivity of the surveys. Not sure what Dr Davis wanted from me and Van, but I anticipate that he wanted to see what our perspective was as a student and a "faculty" member. I updated my portfolio binder as well because I did not believe it was up to par to what Dr Davis wanted. I was missing signatures as well, so I have to make sure that I get the rest from my HEB preceptor.

August 18
Went up to HEB site again to get the last signatures for my portfolio and to actually show my preceptor what I have been doing during that rotations. She seemed impressed and was super busy as well. Van and I met up to see what we got on the surveys to see if we have any similarities or if we have any concerns about the surveys. We've gotten pretty similar answers and ideas to what to say to Dr Davis tomorrow.

August 19
Went to eat with Teisha and her little baby. I'm afraid of the little one cause it's so small and look so fragile. Pterry is still legit. Meeting today with Dr Davis, Dr Roberts, and Van to discuss about the surveys. Lot of unexpected ideas that I did not think of. It seems as if the positivity surveys sections are really important to discuss with the committee that Dr Davis and Dr Roberts will have to talk to in the future. We went really in depth with the surveys as well and didn't get to finish the other two. Dr Davis even forgot to give us one of the surveys and it was an important because it makes a comparison to the UT students and the other schools as well. With the student comparisons, we try to focus on what was higher in the UT students than the general overall survey with the other schools to see if we could make any improvements. Van is a talker for sure which puts me in a bad spot because I usually am not when it comes to big authority like Dr Davis. I feel as if my comments weren't as creative or unique when it comes to the surveys compared to Van. Read all of the readings. A lot to absorb about faculty shortages and Bloom's Taxonomy. Epic fail on my part for doing things last minute.

August 20
Morning meeting with Dr. Davis to discuss the readings, projects, essay, ideas, FYIs, VARK, Bloom's Taxonomy. Went over the portfolio. I felt so unprepared when he asked about ABX. Definitely will have to brush up on a lot of it next week so I don't get dominated. My essay was a bit vague and I just did not feel comfortable when he picked at it. Note to self: Read over Concept Mapping and Make one with TOP 200 Drugs. Project ideas finally starting to come in. I think I might be teaching Probiotics for the antimicrobials class.It's a start so far. I told Dr Davis I didn't know what to do for the final project because the high impact ideas seem to be pretty awesome. I couldn't think of anything that great.

Natural Highs

2010-08-19T00:58:00.000-05:00

1 Rotation down, 6 to go. 1 exam down, 2 to go. After getting the news of passing the exam, I get that feeling of relieve and this release of endorphins that just makes me shake a bit. I could tell because I was trying to text the other P4s and I just noticed my hands were just so shaky. I can definitely tell you the few times I felt like this: the first number I got in college, my acceptance letter/e-mail from UT pharmacy school, my good deal on my TV, and of course after every insane exam pharmacy school has thrown to my face. In my position, there isn't any room to mess up, so I gotta keep at my best and be on my toes for the next 10 months.

While many of my classmates have already or has started their hospital rotations, I feel ridiculously behind because the only thing I have under my belt is the advance community setting and academics. I'm not really complaining, but I feel worthless and definitely will not be prepared for the next rotation, Adult Internal Medicine.

On this rotation, it's a bit of a reading here and there, projects left and right, and I have a few presentations to show the P3s. Still figuring out topics on anti-microbial and my final project of something to change the whole pharmacy school aspect as well. Good thing it's at the beginning of the school year. Lot of resting and a starting back up to exercise again. I got bombarded with studying for the ambulatory exam, so I've been putting it off doing it once every other day or so, but I'm gonna try to restart it for at least two more weeks and then I may just do it every other day to remain in good shape.

I've really learn to take care of myself and not have the whole world on my shoulders every day. Strangely, I didn't realize how much weight I've lost until so many people commented on my physical aspect. I really haven't seen anyone in 2 months, so it seemed like a big deal, but I'm not one to brag about it or anything like that. I've been doing this for myself and doctor's orders too. I may have sublimely done this for other reasons besides health, but I didn't want to rely on something to motivate me to keep trucking along. I've developed a mentality to keep pushing myself to my limits. Have I changed? Maybe. Have I become some sort of douchebag? Hell no. I'm still the good person that I am, but with a bit more confidence. Even some of my professors were like saying that somethings different about me in a good way.

I have an idea what my path is now for the future after this summer's rotation and break. Midyear to give me an idea, but who knows? Until next time...

Semi Real World

2010-07-02T01:34:00.001-05:00

Started working out again about 2 months ago (Doctor's orders). 15 lbs gone. WIN! Did a bit of the P90X for a little bit, but school got crazy and I just didn't get a good work out from it from just doing cardio. I picked up Insanity a month ago and it feels amazing. I spread the love to other people too that wanted to pick up the program. I hope they're still keeping up with it or at least trying. Right now, I'm at the recovery week before the max interval training starts. I wonder if I can manage to do this doing rotations for the next month. Got 15 lb left to finish off. I lost a lot of strength, but I think I'm a bit faster. Might have to start up Hip Hop Abs after all of this Insanity. Yes, I can bust a move. I'm gonna help K and T some moves because apparently they got owned in a hip hop class.

Glad to see the family one last time. Loved being fed, pampered, the constant AC going, and my big ol bed. It was hard to leave back to Austin, but I just missed Austin way too much. The people, the atmosphere, the less crappy weather compared to Houston. I feel more at home with every year that has passed by up here. I will definitely do my best to stay here after Rx school.

Time to shake it off and prepare for the 2nd half of summer. The driving, the weird hours, the happy hours with the other people in the area, the dressing up to impress people, etc etc. Bring it.

Summertime and the living is easy...

2010-06-15T13:06:00.002-05:00

The term off-grid really comes to mind these past couple of weeks. I left Austin considering that there was not anything for me to do. Kooter left to Portland and California, so I couldn't do anymore work at his condo. Fixing that place up was probably the only thing that kept me going up there. My food supply was also running low too, but that was just expected. I ate lunch with a few people and hung out with whoever I could with the time I had left up there. Heading back up to Austin this weekend for David's and Stephanie's wedding. Gonna see the classmates again. It's so crazy cause we've all gone through insanity and turmoil in pharmacy school for 3 years and we're slowly separating. It's gonna be scary being on our own now and developing new worlds for us.

Houston's been pretty chilled. Visiting lots of old friends that I haven't seen in ages. First thing I did was hit up the Oishii for some good sushi. I haven't had sushi in ages and I didn't have time up in Austin to eat sushi. There was a place I was really fond of up in Austin up near Pflugerville called Beluga. Pretty good happy hour too. Tried out some chicken and waffles at Breakfast Klub too. I love the Southern Hospitality there. Everyone was so nice and the guy brought my sunglasses out when I left it on the table. That would have been a super FAIL on my part. Lost my other good pair on the river couple weeks ago too. So sad. Never ever trust anyone that is super smashed with your sunglasses. Have two more cravings to fulfill before I head out to Austin: Dim Sum and Juicebox.

So after I officially become a P4, I finally decided to open up the intern binder. I'm so scared/excited/worried. It looks so overwhelming. I don't even know what I need to even do. Hell starts in 20 days. Bring it on. I'm gonna break myself down and rebuild myself to something new. Stronger, Faster, Smarter.....maybe with a bit of facial hair if I can grow any.

Entourage starts soon! So excited. Gonna do my ritual of rewatching all of the old episodes the week before it starts in two weeks.

"Once you have it all..what next?" Definitely will be my theme next year or at least will do my best to achieve it.

Rotations UPDATE

2010-01-28T23:48:00.000-06:00

Ok even though the rough draft just came out, majority of us got our rotation list unofficially. By unofficially, we asked around for the website link to check out where they would assign us. It's one of those things where we have to know otherwise it'll eat us alive. There should have been an e-mail sent to us to let us know what our rotation sites are, but we just can't wait...SERIOUSLY we can't.

Unfortanately, for people that were assigned to other location such as Houston, they are still in the pending status. Most of my sites are in Austin which is super sweet because the thought of renting at two different places would kill me financially. I feel bad for other people that have to drive at the far end of towns....Dripping springs, Kileen, Waco, Fort Hood. I didn't get all the sites I wanted, but I'm happy with what I have. I just have this gut instinct that I will learn a lot and I will get dominated in a way where I will get the information drilled in my head.

After being in school for about two weeks, I realize that I still feel a bit unprepared when I walk into the classrooms. I couldn't save myself in lab for the life of me. It was like all this knowledge that I learned the past two and half years just disappeared on me. This is like what I want to be good at. The disease state, the drugs, the lab values, the presentations, the ability to be articulate my speech so I don't feel stupid in front of my professors and peers.

Work is just getting worse. They've officially cut my hours to almost once a month now. I went to talk to my boss about putting me on intern leave so that I can remain dormant in the system and I don't have to worry about that anymore. I don't really care much about working a lot since I have to focus on school, but lately I've been picking up my co-workers shift when they either have gotten sick or leaving town. It worked out well for me these past week. I've been able to use up all of my vacation days since it's on an hour per day basis pay for vacay time. I'm sure things will change pretty soon with the new central filling that they are working on.

More to come in due time kids.

Rotations!

2009-11-10T00:29:00.000-06:00

Honestly, I didn't think I would get this far in pharmacy school. It's gotta taken some skills for me to really pull some amazing clutch moves. If you know how I roll back in undergrad, I'm pretty much doing the exact same thing right now. I work my butt off at the end to do some amazing stuff like Rho Chi level smart. I wish I am able to extract that in me all the time because I just hate how scared where I put myself.

Rotations is a hybrid between the real world and school. Think of it as the training wheels on your bike for a year. Where you learn your mistakes. Figure out what you can do so you don't kill your patient. Understand why you're making this decision. It's pretty much three years of pharmacy school all in one year. Gonna meet preceptors this week soon to see what to expect. I feel a bit lost because I still don't know what I want to do still. Do I need to work on my Peds, Hem/Onc, Critical Care, Psych, and Internal Medicine? Am I really sticking with Walgreens for a while? Should I still sell my soul for another year to ensure my security of a job? I feel like I need to get drilled so that I can be prepared to get those training wheels off. Definitely save the world.

Cough and Statuses

2009-10-21T23:04:00.000-05:00

So much for being superman. I got better thankfully, but this cough still continues and it's insanely bothersome. I think I had the same problem 4 years ago when I was just straight up coughing non-stop. I finally cave in and bought Delsym. I hate taking any medicine for anything. I believe in letting the body heal itself and that you become stronger and faster so that you can fight against whatever is thrown at you. This "FLU" is making people worrisome and the flu vaccine is already short supplied. The last time I had a flu shot was 3 years ago and before that, 5 years ago. The last time I really got sick was my first year of pharmacy school spring semester during finals. That was terrible. I struggled every day to study and barely made it through. This cough along with my raccoon face tan from Dallas weekend goes great together.

So with all of this ability to talk to one another: Gtalk, skype, AIM, meebo, ebuddy, google voice, text messaging, phone, facebook, myspace, e-mail, etc. I have the feeling that people just ignore statuses and messages that I believe are there for a good reason. Take for example when I posted my symptoms when i was feeling off balanced; it was a way to let people know I might be sick, but just be careful around me. I'd figured I put my status on everything possible to let people know certain things. It's just upsetting that people will still don't get the message sometimes. I can understand away messages: hi i'm really away somewhere or I'm here but i'm busy and you're allowed to distract me.

I might turn off my text messaging, but it seems kinda essential these days. I told myself that If i ever went over my 200 limit a month that I would just cancel it. Money's an issue for me kind of. I've been debating about whether or not to sale my soul to walgreen's for another year. I've already committed two years...not sure if i should do one more. It would be great income to have to spend on awesomeness. I don't know we'll see.

Infinite Universe, TV Shows

2009-09-25T01:18:00.002-05:00

As a sciency kind of person, I like to think about like the parallels of the world. Is there really another version of us in another world with some sort of small variation? This was a concept on Fringe. Strangely enough, I have a theory of my own. Though it is possible to think that there is another version of us in a totally different universe, but what about the one we are now? I bet there's like a guy that looks just like me probably in west coast california at USC (GASP!) or up in east coast boston at Harvard. Ha ok, so let's make it even more weird. Apparently, there's someone here at UT that looks just like me when I was walking into Jester a few years ago. Not that I go on that side a lot anyways anymore, but it was strange. This dude came up to me and was like what up. And what do I do? I just did the little head tilt thing and said what up back and kept walking. Haha i know i know, but I mean i didn't want to embarass the guy. This didn't happen just once, but like a few times just walking on that side of campus by like random people too.

Anyways, let's look at the TV shows season premieres:

House: Amazing. You see House actually becoming more human in a way. And at the same time, the cinema and the art of the episode touches your heart in a way when House figures out the situation or it finally resolved itself at the end.

HIMYM: Funny as usual. Sandy and I were laughing hysterically at this one scene where Ted didn't know how to spell Professor. All the anxiety and Barney's advice went to Ted's head. What a great show. I think I finished all 4 seasons within a week's time during the summer. Like reading people's facebook status, this show has like exploded somehow. It's pretty amazing.

Heroes: Kinda see the plot evolving in a way with the new characters and seeing how all of this connects. It sucks knowing that Sylar is really Nathan, Peter's power still sucks, Hiro's dying, and Matt is going crazy. Hopefully it gets better. I hate the fact that Peter isn't like the most powerful Hero anymore. It bothers me how like his power got stripped away from him and he can't obtain all the powers he want at the same time.

Fringe: I love new concepts and ideas of course as you can see from the initial posting of my blog. The pattern, the book, soldiers, etc etc. You see the fight between good and evil in a blurry grey area. Who can you really trust now? Hopefully Olivia can figure it out soon.

The Office: Michael, as always, gets excited about the most obscure things and just over exaggerate it. I'm gonna be honest, I had those moments where I just thought Michael was just frustrating to watch. I kinda stopped watching it for a while, but season three was amazing. I love the Bros before Hos speech in the Benihana Episode.

Greek: I'm still all about Team Cappie. It's kinda like the O.C. in a way. Boy loses girl, boy tries to get girl, fails, girl wants guy, but guy knows whats right and wrong, etc. It's a great formula I must say.

GG: It was definitely a bit hard to remember all the details from the past seasons to piece together all the parts for the new season. I was trying to explain some of the characters to my friend and she just completely blanked out on who some of the characters were. The way I explained it made it sound like I was obsessed with the show. Oh Lonely Boy, way to move up the ladder to the good life now.

Sadly, I just have this ridiculous memory for TV shows, but not for studying. It sucks badly. If only I can harness this power to school, life would be sweet.

If only this cough can go away. I just got it like today. Damn you pharmacy school. How could you become this infested pool of students. Oh right, we contain it among ourselves and get each other sick instead of the whole school. I blame you Viet for going to Zax's and ordering that Calamari and sharing that marinara sauce. FAIL =/

Sous Chef and Iron Chef

2009-09-19T03:01:00.000-05:00

Glad to have some old friends back in Austin again. It brings back good memories and a lot of catch up to do. Kuntz and I just marinated a lot of food for the game tomorrow. Drumsticks, sirloin steaks, hamburger meat, hot dogs, sausages. Individually, we're both like good cooks, but together, we're like a killer team. Our ideas just make sense and creative all at the same time. We're working on this theory between marinating a steak overnight and using a spray bottle with butter, water, special seasonings, etc when we start cooking them to see which one taste better. In the kitchen, I'm pretty much sous chef when we're both there. I do all the insane work, but I lack presentation skills apparently. If you have tried my cooking, you know I roll deep.

Starting to study now. Feels like school again. Kinda feels nice.

Game day tomorrow. Where my horns at? Wear that burnt orange proudly wherever you are....Nashville, Boston, Miami, San Fransisco...put them horns up

Assumptions

2009-09-11T03:36:00.000-05:00

When people know you or think they know you, they sort of tell you what to do or shall i say assume that you would do it. it's one of my biggest pet peeve when people assume that I will do something instead of asking. How dare you tell me what to do without asking or letting know what the situation is? I do have my things to do and I have stuff to take care myself. Don't get me involved in new things that I don't want to be apart of. I know I have the capabilities of doing things, but I've been dying to just chill out and not have to worry about the world. I've taken so many bullets for people for so long, I don't even know if people would just want to shove me in the way 'cause they think I will do it. Is that wrong? I'm I being selfish here? I don't know. I'm mentally and physically exhausted with all of his. I just want to sit back and wait with everyone else.

Goodbye P2. Hello P3

2009-09-08T02:13:00.000-05:00

The past year definitely had it's ups and downs.

schoolwise: there have been one too many occasions with the clutch win. I can't have this in the future as I come to the point where the patient's life will be in my hands. I need to be aware that I know what I am doing and have confidence that I won't kill my patient in the future. I'm glad I'm still in school where they'll teach us our mistakes and what to do in all sorts of situation. Rotations will be definitely something to look forward to. After this past summer, I definitely know that law school would dominate me. Even though it was a 3 hour nonstop class every week all summer, it was just exhausting to have. Mind you that this was just TX pharmacy law, I can't even grasp to know how law school is. Good luck to my law school people.

the fall semester has been pretty laid back so far. 7 hours! WHAT UP! Vegas is something to look forward to for the pharmacy conference. Even if I don't get a stipend, having no finals is so much better. this year. my goal is to finish strong. do all i can.

lifewise: i'm feeling like Ted Mosby right now seeing people around you getting married and about to get married and everything. Kinda makes you want to look for something like that. it's that moment where you stare across the room and that someone just catches your eye. my thing is what if i already missed that opportunity or what if I didn't know it or realize it. will fate somehow give me another shot at this? what if that person was just right under my nose and i had no idea about it? i worry when i work full time, it's game over for me.

i'm definitely gonna try to travel a bit to see some friends nationwide. TN is a definite must. i'll figure it out one way or another.

Out of the Frying Pan, and Into the FIRE

2009-08-01T00:59:00.005-05:00

you know how like you can have a bad day and then it just continues to get worse somehow and not only that, you can't get out as hard as you try?

1) i managed to piss one of my friends by making her go to 6th st for my birthday and didn't show up due to the hour and 15 minutes wait at reverse happy hour. Lesson: don't go to kona late; call everyone to let them know not to go to a place after one terrible night; never ever ever piss off a girl after she works 3 days a in row. Honestly. I felt so bad for the longest time. I don't mess up a lot let alone let people down, but when I do, it's just a bad bad feeling.

2) so it was Sunday morning, and this austin hippie guy comes into the pharmacy and asks for insulin. he was the chatty kind too. i go to the back of the pharmacy and grab the insulin and then head back to see if he needed anything else. The guy comes asks for needles. I go back to the back and grab the needles. I ring them both up and then put them in the bag and tell him the price. As I was telling him the price, I put them both in the bag and then put the bag on top of the counter. I look at him and then as he was talking to me, I was staring at his hand and he reaches into the bag and then grabs the insulin and starts running. I starting yelling at him, "SIR SIR SIR!" and then I jumped over the counter to try to chase him/get a better look at him or to see what he was gonna do. I was maybe like 4-5 feet away from touching him, but my pharmacist was yelling at me, "WAIT, STOP! IT's not worth it!" and then he pages security. Lesson: don't trust anyone in the pharmacy no matter what time of the day it is, and be suspicous of everyone no matter how nice they are, and put the bag at the bottom until they actually bust out the cash/credit card.

3) my computer somehow manages to get fried. I think it was the motherboard. I can't tell cause when I turn on the computer, there's no display on the monitor and the hard drive doesn't load up anything and the bios didnt even load up. Without going all technical and etc, I basically have to rebuild the inside of my computer due to the many advances that the computer world has gone since I've been in pharmacy school. My hard drive is totally okay, so I didn't lose any of my stuff which is good and I'm glad I stil have my laptop as my back up to work on. Lesson: back up your stuff and not worry about it til after dealing with school. Now I gotta make that money to make a new computer system. I can help people with their computer problems, but i don't think anyone can help me really.

4) Today was one of the worse days I've experienced at work. Every customer was just problematic which tells me something, the general public is impatient, lazy, stupid, and greedy. I was just panicking like crazy cause I just got overwhelm like crazy. Whoever invented the drive-thru for the pharmacy needs to be shot. What's the point of having that thing when you just run into problems left and right and clog up the drive thru. It's called the yelling circle. I think that's how they said it in How I Met Your Mother. The boss yells at you, you have to yell at someone, then that someone has to yell at me, then I would have to yell at someone. Well maybe thats a bad example. It's more like how spoiled people are. Please refill my vicodin or my dog hid my pills or something stupid like that. Listen, I honestly have gotten to the point where I don't give a crap about your sob stories. I've heard it all and I just have no sympathy for you. We'll all have our problems to deal with. AND OMG, I can't believe the corporate world is making us do more work which causes more problems with customer service. People do not want to hear extra superfluous when picking up their medications. ugh. what an annoyance.

that is all for now. I hope all of this nonsense will balance out soon. I need a beer or two.

Traffic, Technology, TV

2009-06-20T14:24:00.004-05:00

ha so rule of thumb when in Austin: Traffic starts about 230ish near the campus and downtown area. Once you get pass that, it's all good. However, traffic starts at 1 pm on Fridays! Why? Just because. It's strange cause its both side of the highway is full as opposed to like houston where one side of usually just full and the other side goes fast. blah. yeah working the late evening shifts suck cause i always get traffic on the way to work going south.

i love my new phone. even without the data plan, i use the wireless internet to do amazing things on the phone. chatting, facebooking, google latitude, e-mailing, etc. it's one of those convinent things to have when you're on the go. Waking up and then use your phone to check your e-mail without having to turn on the computer. speaking of google latitude, it's freakin awesome. you can check where you are at, get directions, find the traffic flow, and it's a gps system which is ridiculous. if only i had a data plan. maybe i'll get one in the future like on rotations, but its 15 dollars a months for unlimited internet (12 months x 15 = 170 dollars) - hrmm....should i just get an iTouch with epocrates?

Started a new tv show. How I Met Your Mother! It's pretty good. NPH! OMG hilarious! "Two weeks ago, spanish bar, 79th st, dish of olives, WHAT UP?!" hahahah omg. I should use my good memory to impress/creep people out. SUIT UP! I should get another suit. LOL. we'll see. BOB FREAKING SEGAT is the narrator. I loved his role in Entourage. Alyson Hannigan is amazing so far. All these characters from all these previous shows really are amazing.

The episode pilot: the signal - what is it really? How can you really tell? Is there such a thing? Is destiny an actual fate that no matter what happens whether you plan it or let it naturally occur, it'll just happen? Does the olive theory really work? Will it be LEGENDARY?!

Clutch

2009-06-08T20:26:00.003-05:00

YAY, weeds start up tonight. Got my new phone. Still learning how to use it. It has WIRELESS on it! SOO HAPPY. OK, I don't have a data plan because of the cash flow right now. However, if I just jump on a wireless signal, it's pretty amazing. All the applications are pretty cool. Too bad I can't use it on campus becuase I would be baller. I mean I turned off text messages for about two years because I hated people just texting me one word messages. Like SERIOUSLY, what the deuce?

I've always been able to make my way through college like by amazing luck at the end. All my friends called me the King of Clutch because I can really bust myself to doing what I need to get the grades I need. With the new +/- system, I don't know what to expect. I really have to pull through harder and do better in classes. I guess I need to change the way I do things now. Perhaps study every day all day all night and get a good night sleep? Sleep. I forgot what that was like for the longest time. I still can't get back to my normal circadian rhythm, but we'll see.

Back-Up Break Up

2009-06-06T01:40:00.004-05:00

I'm sure we've all gone through this at one point of our lives, break the girl's/guy's heart or get our heart broken. The real question is actually do we be heartless and destroy or would we rather get it broken? Honestly, I don't know because I've been on both sides of the stick and it both sucks. We'll have our reasons why we must depart whether it be for the better good, to become a better person, or get our priorities straight. At any cost, we gain experience which will benefit us and we learn more about ourselves in the process. I can tell you for sure I've broken my own heart a few times because of stupidity and emotions got to me. It's that little thing we call pride or confidence that destroys us. In the end, the only people that can truly understand you and put up with your nonsense and insanity are your friends. Even though you will probably never listen to them anyways and still be unreasonable to deal with. Why? It's human intuition. We can sit there and listen to people's advice, but never really take it because we have to deal with it our way.

The Fakes of Life

2009-05-28T11:45:00.003-05:00

OH man, I just got back from the police department. Don't worry. I'm fine. We had a situation about some funny money and I had to take care of it. All those years working at my family restaurant and living in the hood has taught me with some acquired skills that I will never forget like MRSA or VRSA (har har har). When I was counting up the money, I just felt something in me that knew that it was bad. Looking at it from afar, it looks normal. Upclose, it was darker, the material felt slightly heavier, the print looked like it was printed off a high quality printer, the line that says USA 20 was missing, there was a shadow on the edge.

School is over for the semester until it starts back up again in a week. I plan to see my family for a bit in Houston soon. My hair is getting ridiculously long too. People actually like it like this. I don't know if I can handle that.

I bought a new phone. My old one kept turning off on me. It's frustrating. And I lost a lot of applications due to this. I mean I'll miss it cause it was my first flip phone ever, but I love Nokia to death. I may not have an unlimited texting plan, but I will use this phone to its potential for sure. I have to somehow impress the ladies of course. =D

FINALS

2009-05-15T14:32:00.005-05:00

WOW. just got through one of the hardest classes in pharmacy school. I hope it does get easier than this. Although, I love learning about infectious diseases and all those drugs, it scares me to death about rotations in the future.

I feel worthless now. I can't even function to try to start studying again for the day. I'm already freaking out about relearning stuff for this exam. I mean why would you put two ridiculous modules together, cancer and viruses. The drug names are terribly hard to remember. We have way too ridiculously smart professors teaching us the material that makes it even harder on us. This material didn't build on top of each other like ABX did. SIGHHHH. Back to the grind. Good luck to everyone else on finals. We'll party it up after the last final on tuesday.

Me VS the World

2009-04-27T00:27:00.005-05:00

twitter

another distraction to begin with. Let's see how this will eat up my time now along with facebook.

School is good. That light to get away from probation is getting closer and closer by the day. I'm glad that I've been consistent now with my grades. Initally at the beginning of the P2 year, I felt so out of place and questioned myself if I really do belonged in pharmacy school. I really am lucky that I was given another chance to continue along with my classmates. I didn't want to fall behind my class let alone be in the p1 class now. Don't get me wrong. There are a good amount of people in that class who I will help them get thru the pain I suffered last year, but there are a few of them that just complains all the damn time over the stupidest things in the world. Trust me, when they get to our level, they'll see why.

Work is decent. Same old customer yelling the crap out of you for some days and the other days where people freaking love my fast skills to get their stuff out of there too. It's getting more hectic now for sure since summer will start up again along with one of my staff pharmacists leaving to another store. it sucks cause it just puts more work on the techs and interns and defintely the big boss of the store. I know that i'll be in this position one day myself. Right now, i'm taking it all in: pain, the anger, the love, the understanding of the system, people, complains, compliments. I have to really develop a thick skin pretty fast or I'll get eaten alive out there.

This weekend was ridiculous. I worked Fri and Sat. Not only that, I went to 6th Thurs, Fri, and Sat. I barely started studying, but it was so worth to see people that I haven't seen in a long time. Even people in my class like vivian. I can see her like every once in a while, but we never had time to hang out til this past thursday just hanging out at the mall while she spends monies on shorts for the summer. Friday after work, dinner with the mentee and co for her birthday and then went to 6th stuffing 10 ppl in my car. Met up with everybody in the world. It was pretty cool to run into people again like I used to back in undergrad. What a dent my credit card took. SOO SADD. No more spending like that in a while.

I finally figured out my priorities now. School, study, work, friends, chill, relax. I'm glad everything is finally back to normal. Sigh, Back to studying/streaming. Until next time...

the good the bad the ugly

2009-04-16T15:15:00.002-05:00

what is it about the world that has to be balanced? I always feel like someone gets destroyed somehow and I can't do anything about it. Me? No, I'm doing ok. I feel a sense of balance in my life that I haven't felt in a long time. I've been getting some bad news from some friends of mine lately. I hope they are okay now. It's just sometimes I feel like things aren't right when the whole world is off. I feel like I can take some of this badness that's going on and there is balance for the world. I know people tell me to enjoy and be happy with yourself. Maybe it's the fact that I'm not selfish and I always want to protect/save the world all the time that I would perhaps sacrifice part of my happiness. I'm hoping it won't get worse for my friends, but if it does, I'm so ready to help them if they need me.

School is good. ABX is freaking ridiculous. I don't know how us Lo Chi pull clutch on it all the time, but it's wearing me thin every wednesday and tuesday night. Honestly, I probably haven't drank that early morning since the last time Kuntz and Co. took tequila shots at 9 am going to the UT football game. I miss those days. I had Shiner 100 year annniversary beer at Zax's. It was amazing. The glass looks gorgeous. I feel like Zax's is like a healing place after an exam. I love that atmosphere of just chilling and drinking.

Trust

2009-04-11T12:26:00.002-05:00

Trust is an assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something. Throughout college, I trusted my group of friends with everything in the world. I could just tell them 101 things without worry about it. In those 4 and half years that they were still around, I never worried about them. There could be drama around that I somehow get absorbed into, but it was an unspoken thing that what we discuss here and there, never spoken about again. We may hint at each other subtle messages like... "be good", "be safe", "i'm here for you", to assure that we have each others back. I still would fucking make sure that they are ok even if they wake me up in the middle of the night. That's the trust that I grew up with in undergrad.

Pharmacy school is a completely different environment from what I've grown up with. Don't get me wrong. I love this environment where I see the same people on a daily basis and I have my own crew. Though the bonds I've form isn't as long as my colleagues from undergrad, I can definitely say that there's a handful of people now I trust with my life. Perhaps we're open minded and we've gone through so much shit lately that I can tell them my 101 things.

Lately, I've been blinded by so many obstacles that the trust I had in people has faded. Whether it be the prophetic dreams that keeps reoccurring, I have to rely on my intuition like I should have been from the start. I need to stop being scared of what will happen and rely on myself and my friends to get through this.

Bonding

2009-04-07T21:43:00.003-05:00

The one weekend where I should have rested up and recovered from everything, I went to San Antonio this weekend for APhA Conference instead. It was great to see some familiar faces that I haven't seen such as the P4s and some of the P3s. Although networking at the conference seemed a little hard to do with other people, at least I was able to bond within the people that went to UT. I felt sort of overwhelmed having so many people from different schools all there. Perhaps it was because it was in SA rather than somewhere outside of Texas. I remember like a long time ago when I went to the Bill Gates conference for my scholarship in California back fishy year of college, I had so much fun because I was just able to go up to people and say what up. And it was like in California. I mean it was soo pretty there when I went. I did get a few goodies, but I gave some of it away knowing that someone else can benefit from it AKA misbah since she couldn't make it out.

Oh man, so I totally didn't bring my charger for my phone and it died Saturday afternoon, so it's been off up til Monday night when i was driving back to Austin. Once I turned my phone on, I got about 40 text messages coming in all at once. I don't have like a unlimited plan just yet because I just recently turned on my text messages again like 6 months ago. I know what everyone is thinking. Everyone in the world text instead of talking these days. What can I say. I'm old school. I like to still be able to conversate with people about stuff even if it is just for a minute or two. My sole purpose turning back on text messages is for like important stuff, emergencys, etc. I have this pet peeve about people just sending one worded text or texting something really stupid that needs to be worked out when we can just talk about it over the phone and do it right. I'm really tempted to turn off my text messages again, but that's just wrong. I can't let people down when they need me the most. I realize that now this weekend. Being without technology really limits you and it sucks soo badly. So please, limit your text to me until the 22nd. K. Thanks. I have about 50ish left. =/

Oceans Away

2009-03-27T15:40:00.001-05:00

Today is my first friday off from work in a long time. For the past couple of months, it's been a ridiculous roller coaster ride in pharmacy school. It's an epic battle between school and life. Figure since I'm so far gone, oceans away, I can lay my saber down today. I found a good balance in my life now. It feels amazing to be in control of things again. With a lot of meditation that I've done lately, I've been a bit more calmer about everything.

During spring break, I was driving at night and i get this epiphany as one may call it. I realized that everything will work itself out in some way or another. Although it may not go the way we want it, if it happens, it'll happen. Don't force something to happen. Let it happen naturally. But, be there for them. Through thick and thin, bad or good, stick with them no matter what.

My current battle has been exhausting since the beginning. Although I have put my warriors through hell with me, I am thankful they are still sticking with me by my side. I may not know how the end of this battle will end up, but I won't stop fighting until this is completely settled for once and for all. For now, I'm putting my sword back in its sheath. For my faithful warriors, thank you for everything. I will call upon yall again when the time is right.

Making Memories of Us

2009-03-21T20:23:00.007-05:00

Spring break 2009 is coming to an end. Back to the real world I suppose. I've finally been able to see some old friends I haven't seen in ages. Although I couldn't see everyone, I tried my best. Sitting down with them make me realize we've grown up so much in the past couple of years, it just seems as if times fly super fast these day. People getting married, people working, people moved to different cities to start their lives from scratch. I remember couple years ago sitting down with people getting called out for not eating all of my food. haha. Yes, I was able to finish all of my food, but I just felt crappy the whole night. In the end, we form these bonds with people and stories to tell over and over again.

It's amazing what we've gone through lately. I believe in keeping in touch with the ones that influence our own world for what it is now. Those are the precious people that has a piece of you and the ones that we will treasure for a long time.

Rest In Paradise

2009-03-16T21:35:00.001-05:00

Spring break is usually a time where we take time to ourselves and enjoy ourselves in some way. Whether it be hanging with some friends, seeing the family, or rest up, it's a well deserved break for a lot of us that's suffering the pain from school and life.

I usually take a day from my spring break to pray about all the people that I've lost around this spring time. My grandfather, my high school mentor, my friends. I still can't believe they are gone. I've always felt like I've lost part of myself because they meant so much to me. There's so much good that they've all done and I've continue to do good for them. I know my path to pharmacy school has lead me in the right directions to do some amazing things in the future. I don't know what it is yet, but it'll happen.

"Begin each day as if it were on purpose. Life is not the amount of breaths you take, it's the moments that take your breath away." It's so true in so many ways. We have to make each moment special. Be there for one another. Find that person. Find that passion. Find what drives you whether it be someone or something. This way, we can live forever.

(quote from Hitch)

Forgive me if I'm young for speaking out of turn

2009-03-12T17:00:00.001-05:00

It's been ages since I've written out my thoughts. I kind of miss it. I think at one point it made life complicated, but I've grown up since then. Here's the update:

School is good so far. I can't really complain too much. The people in my world have been amazing. My friends have been the best people to guide me through it all. Pharmacy school right now for me is to constantly study now no matter what. I realize that I can't go back to the old undergraduate habits like I used to. First year pharmacy school was terrible in a sense that I realize that I need to start changing it up. When risking everything on the line, it's amazing what kind of potential is unlock and lengths you would go to do what you need to do. Right now, I got through maybe one of the hardest exam of this semester. Hopefully all will go well and I will get through it all til the end.

I've always lead this simplistic lifestyle. Protect my friends. Do good (not well), but do good in this world. I hardly run into problems, but when I do, it's unreal how bad I get myself into the situation. I've always taken care of my friends, and I hardly ask for help in this sense. I'll pick someone up whenever they are in danger or need my help at 2 AM. I'll go out of my way to make sure that no one gets hurt. I can give good advice to people. Save the world I guess.

There was this feeling. I've never experienced it before. I've never been more scared about this kind of stuff ever. It's been so intense that it actually interfered with my studies. Usually, I never let my emotions take control over me ever. I didn't know how to deal with it for a long time. I couldn't get myself back to reality. I would ponder about it: the what ifs, the maybes, the what nots, every possible scenario in the world. I still think about it every day, but with time, things get better and all the wounds heal. That scar will still be there as a reminder that I'll have to face it again soon. I kind of figured out what I need to do for the time being, but I hope it won't take control of me again.